Mr. European..

I knew by his grammatical errors that English was not his strong suit but... yet somehow he convinced me that he was worth (about a 1 &1/2) of my time, and that it was a good idea to meet him for lunch. It didn’t hurt that he looked like he fell out of an “Abercrombie & Fitch” catalogue.

The date begins... he arrives late because he couldn’t find the restaurant because the mall was “like a city”. I literally had to give him step by step instructions on how to find me.

Then like I predicted it wasn’t any easier talking to him in person. He claimed he was shy & just sat there... So being “the dude” I had to carry the entire date with conversation (exhausting I wouldn’t recommend it).

I'll fast forward to the good stuff. My crowning moment was when I made him cry (yes I just said that)... He mentioned that he was newly single so I asked how new? “you mentioned you were divorced”. That’s when he began to cry, said it had been a month since “we separated” I suggested that maybe it was too soon, and that he should not be dating (for obvious reasons). He disagreed so I decided to change the subject. Figured I couldn’t go wrong with asking about family right? Wrong! I asked him if he had a brothers or sisters, and told him I was close with mine. He then began to cry again because his brother was dead. Naturally I felt like a jerk, and excused myself. I quickly text my friend, and asked for help. Within minutes of sitting back down I received an “emergency” call from "work" telling me I “had to leave” I apologized, said I had to go, and asked if the check had come, he replied no, and that he understood (So I thought).

He then tells me that I smile a lot, and asks how I made my eyes “that color” I thank him, and tell him it’s called Hazel. He then tells me people would pay to have eyes like mine. (Note: This changes nothing I’m still awaiting my exit). I excuse myself again, and find the waiter. I ask him to please bring the check, and explained I was on a bad date, and needed to leave. He tells me that it looked like I needed an escape, and that is why he had brought my check awhile ago. It get’s better... he then tells me “My date” had already paid about 45 min ago. Seriously? Of course he did.

When I get back to the table, I politely tell him I have to leave (again) but this means nothing to him, He asks me if I want to get a drink, or go see a movie. I decline saying I’m so busy with work, that it was nice meting him, thank him for lunch, then took another 10 minutes explaining to him how to navigate through the mall & get to his car. I told him it wasn’t necessary for him to walk me to mine.

In the end I learned a couple things...

1)      If you can’t understand him in text, and have to breakdown all of your jokes, it doesn’t get any better in person.

2)       Go with your gut, and judge a book by it’s cover. Just sayin.. I knew better.