I knew by his grammatical errors that English
was not his strong suit but... yet somehow he convinced me that he was worth (about
a 1 &1/2) of my time, and that it was a good idea to meet him for lunch. It
didn’t hurt that he looked like he fell out of an “Abercrombie & Fitch” catalogue.
The date begins... he arrives late because he couldn’t find
the restaurant because the mall was “like a city”. I literally had to give him
step by step instructions on how to find me.
Then like I predicted it wasn’t any easier talking to him in
person. He claimed he was shy & just sat there... So being “the dude” I had to
carry the entire date with conversation (exhausting I wouldn’t recommend it).
I'll fast forward to the good stuff. My crowning moment was when I made him cry (yes I just said
that)... He mentioned that he was newly single so I asked how new? “you
mentioned you were divorced”. That’s when he began to cry, said it had been a month since “we
separated” I suggested that maybe it was too soon, and that he should not be
dating (for obvious reasons). He disagreed so I decided to change the subject.
Figured I couldn’t go wrong with asking about family right? Wrong! I asked him
if he had a brothers or sisters, and told him I was close with mine. He then began
to cry again because his brother was dead. Naturally I felt like a jerk, and
excused myself. I quickly text my friend, and asked for help. Within minutes of
sitting back down I received an “emergency” call from "work" telling me I “had to
leave” I apologized, said I had to go, and asked if the check had come, he replied no, and that he understood (So I thought).
He then tells me that I smile a lot, and asks how I made my
eyes “that color” I thank him, and tell him it’s called Hazel. He then tells me
people would pay to have eyes like mine. (Note: This changes nothing I’m still
awaiting my exit). I excuse myself again, and find the waiter. I ask him to
please bring the check, and explained I was on a bad date, and needed to leave. He tells me
that it looked like I needed an escape, and that is why he had brought my check
awhile ago. It get’s better... he then tells me “My date” had already paid about 45 min ago. Seriously?
Of course he did.
When I get back to the table, I politely tell him I have to
leave (again) but this means nothing to him, He asks me if I want to get a drink, or go see a movie. I decline saying I’m so busy with work, that it
was nice meting him, thank him for lunch, then took another 10 minutes
explaining to him how to navigate through the mall & get to his car. I told
him it wasn’t necessary for him to walk me to mine.
In the end I learned a couple things...
1) If
you can’t understand him in text, and have to breakdown all of your jokes, it
doesn’t get any better in person.
2) Go with your gut, and judge a book by it’s cover. Just sayin.. I knew
better.
